Update, decision...

Ohai there. Super long time no update...


I had a few posts in the making (writing?) that I'd needed to shove aside due to the exam period but I'm free to (and will) get back to them now. Today's update is real quick though, won't take long:


I'd been thinking for a while about it for a while and I've decided on something~ I'd really like to use this blog as a journal for myself and my thoughts. Hopefully I'll update regularly anywhere from once a day to once a week... (Let's see how long I can keep this up for pfft.)


In other news, I've lost weight and bleached my hair! *proud* I'm off to the gym again now ahaha, so hopefully I'll post another entry tomorrow in my spare time.


---A♥

Someone once told me a story, and it sounded like a fairy tale. Here, listen...

So I've heard people ask the question, would your five-year-old self be proud of the person you are today?


This question very much intrigues me. For some, I suppose, it may be easy to think back to their younger age and remember their hopes, dreams, ambitions, likes, dislikes and so on from when they were only half a decade old. That isn't the case for me, which is why I'm so interested in this question.


I can barely remember what I wanted in life as a five-year-old, even if I think really hard. I do remember telling people I wanted to be a pianist, but I knew then and I still know now that that wasn't really what I wanted back then, so it doesn't count. So... How should I know if my younger self would feel any pride at knowing what she's become?


My current self isn't that proud of who she is, but she's different to my younger self. She's more open minded, accepting and out-going; a world of difference to the quiet, insecure and shy child I used to be. Would that child like me?


If I really sit back and think about it, though, I reckon that were my child-self to see me, she would be disgusted. She would think, what a strange girl, why does she do her face like that, her hair like that and dress like that...? and turn to our mother with her nose in the air saying I'd never look like that, mommy. She would be slightly interested but mostly horrified at the colorful eyeliners I use, flamboyant hair styles I choose and my admittedly odd fashion sense (in comparison to other people my age).


She'd probably think I had a mental problem because I want to dye my hair unnatural shades and turn away in terror at the singers and music I adore.


But I know that a part of her would feel extremely curious, too. I wish I could somehow find out. Step inside a time machine and travel back to that summer when I was just five-and-a-half years old and running around dressed in a long die-dye skirt, blue tee with a row of three white flowers on the chest and nearly-waist-length hair glittering in the sun.


I would walk over and say hi, I'm Alice. I've missed you (because I miss being a carefree child, my how I miss it) and watch as her eyes grow big as saucers. I imagine she would think that one of her daydreams came true; finally, something interesting and unusual was happening to her. Or would she think something else...? Would she be terrified of a stranger who didn't exactly look completely normal in her innocent eyes?


Would she recognize me? I was a dreamer, as a child. I always believed that one day I would be the protagonist of a thrilling narrative, a spellbinding story that would inspire millions.


Go ahead, laugh. I'm laughing. Pathetic dreams, huh? Somewhere along the road of growing up I got a dose of reality: I'm not that special. Now if I saw a stranger with colored hair, contacts and eye-catching make-up I wouldn't bat an eyelid. If she told me that she was my older self, I'd laugh and say those kinds of things are impossible - but that little girl belonging to a lonely summer inside of me would long to believe her. Is that the opposite of what my child-self would be like?


Would she believe my current self and talk to me (or run from me) whilst a tiny part of her whispered don't be so silly, those kinds of things are impossible?


But most importantly... Say I got her to believe me. Say she agreed to talk, to get to know me, to hear me out. What would she think? Would she be proud of me?


Would she be happy to hear I'm passionate about art, about literature, about music rather than math, science and English? Would she like the Japanese (and occasionally Korean, although not often) songs that play loudly as I run and stretch to their beat at the gym, or would she cringe and ask why would you listen to a song whose lyrics you don't understand and then not believe me when I tell her I'm studying the language?


Would she sympathize with my love life? Would she be shocked and angry that I made friends over the internet, somewhere she was always told isn't a safe place to give your name out to people?


What would she think of my ambitions? Ambitions that don't sound like I want to be a doctor or I want to be an artist but more I want to make people happy and I want to fly.


Would she call such ambitions childish? Flying is childish, in most people's eyes, but they think of the literal meaning. A human growing wings and taking off with a push from the ground. It would be amazing to feel the wind on your face thousands of miles up in the air of course, but there are other ways to fly.


Books, letters, words can take to places you couldn't even imagine in your dreams. Paintings, sketches, mere brushstrokes can bring tears to your eyes, freedom to your mind, curiosity to your bored, tired brain. Songs can break your heart and mend it again within the space of four minutes. Think of it that way...


Think that you can fly without wings; you can fly higher than the sky itself and dance among the burning lights of the galaxies above you whilst your feet are firmly on the floor, snug in their attire.


Would my younger self think of that as childish? Or would she simply call me a pathetic dreamer and tell me to get a job - and a life, whilst I'm at it?


I wish I knew. I wish I could find out. I wish I weren't so afraid of failure, of disappointing those I love and of being dull and unimaginative.


And I wish I could fly.

The randomness that is my imagination.

About two weeks ago, I noticed that I hadn't really drawn anything for a long time so I took it upon myself to do some doodling (partially at the request of my friends ahaha)~


Since the only other thing I really have to talk about is a game I've recently fallen in love with (more on that later!) and I can't be bothered to type about that today, here is instead a tiny collection of a few of the doodles that I'm happy with:

My guy best friend as a girl in a dress. PAYBACK FOR MAKING MEH BLUSH, SKY.

My darling Ali as an alpaca. I call this creation... Alipaca. I know, I know, I'm a genius. /shot

The one on top was a request from Sky as cover art for his cover of Miku's song 'Little Wings';
the one below that is a matching picture I drew for myself to go along with his. ♥
Uh, no copyright anything infringement thingie intended! It's just fanart~

DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO MAKE THIS THING SMALLER BUT NOT TINY?! WTF IT'S MASSIVE TT___TT;;
And finally, a mini comic thingie I drew, inspired by a silly conversation with a friend.
In case you're not in the know, that is Bya from KHR with a slight... make-over, courtesy of
our favorite pineapple! /stabbed
(Bear in mind: The super-pretty picture of Byakuran in the top left corner of the first panel isn't mine,
I'm so sorry I don't know whose it is. T__T;;
I'm only using it here because I was too lazy to draw a gorgeous bishie Bya
but if anyone is upset with it, I'll remove/replace it at a (probably much later) date. ^__^;;)

Note: Neither Katekyo Hitman Reborn, nor Skylark-kun, nor Ali nor the concept for 'Little Wings' belong to me. This was all done for fun~ ♥


Also, remember they're just doodles! Don't judge how terrible they might look, I swear my usual work is better pffft.


-A.
xo


PS: If anyone was wondering about that game I've fallen for, it's called My Forged Wedding, it's by Voltage, it's an iPhone game and asdfghjkl I love it so much. I might dedicate a blog entry to review it! *goes to hide now*

My new shower curtain.

Okay I know this is an odd one, but bear with me.


I love my new shower curtain. Does that sound creepy? It's blue and stripy and it has fish on it. Here, I'll show you a photo.

Excuse the bad lighting~ I need to get a new bulb for the bathroom.

It's perfect, right?


asdfghjkl;


I can't remember where we bought it from, but damn it's so cute! ...I sound crackers here, don't I? Alright, here's a list of why me new shower curtain is awesome:


a) It's blue. Blue is cool. Period.


b) It has fish. Fish are amazing. C'mon, who doesn't love fish?

c) It's in my bathroom and I'm awesome. True story. /Barney reference /shotdead


d) It goes with my decor! Most of my bathroom is white and the door is blue. It matches.

Need to get that lock fixed... Geez, today wasn't the best day for photos, huh?

e) It matches my shower cap! No, I won't show you. Just take my word for it. Seriously.


f) The fish, guys. LOOK HOW CUTE

Can you tell I love this iPhone app a little too much?

I think that's quite a long list. I love my new shower curtain. Problem?


xo
A~


PS~ A large amount of cheese was consumed before writing this. I take no responsibility for how stupid this post may or may not sound to ordinary human ears. I may or may not be hyperactive right now.


PPS~ Photos are my own and taken by myself, obviously~ I had fun with this!

Dear You,

you'll know who you are if you ever somehow stumble across this and read it.


I won't start with the clichéd 'I just wanted to say...' because there's nothing simple about the words that want to spill out of my mouth. They can't be summarized neatly in one sentence - they hardly make any sense in my head as it is. I suppose a thank you is due to be there somewhere but I don't know if I can bring myself to mean it. Guess I'll just wing it, as I usually do.


I know how much you hate these things. These sentimental... notes, if you will. But I'm not giving this one to you. I'm not presenting you with pretty colored paper or a carefully rolled up scroll wrapped in ribbon. You can read it through to the end, or you can stop right here and close your browser, snap shut your smartphone or press the home button on your tablet computer.


Or you might have seen the title of this blog post and decided it would be a bad idea to read it. That's fine by me. These words are just as much for me as they are for you, so even if you never so much as learn of their existence or if you see them the minute after I've posted them - they're still important to me.


I suppose that's another thing you hate. How everything is so important to me. Well, you never hated it per se, I don't think, but it bothered you in the very least. I won't apologize though, since you always told me there's not point in doing so.


Do you know the song, by the way? Dear You? It's by one of the Vocaloids, KAITO I believe, but I like Clear-san's version the best. It also was a theme from Higurashi, if I'm not mistaken. I think you watched it. Pretty sure you read some of it, at least.


No, the song's lyrics don't describe how I feel. I merely thought the title was fitting for my post and it would bug me if you didn't know where I took it from.


So do you remember when I told you I'd made this for you?

The brightness on this photo is awful... Oops. That's a well, by the way.

Let's go through the contents, shall we...

Stars, lots and lots of stars. Well alright, only 16 of them, but still.

I can't remember whether or not I told you that I'd numbered all the stars and written a memory timeline of sorts on them. Since I doubt it'll ever reach you due to the fact that I'm putting it in the bin once I've finished writing this, I'll tell you what they all said.


1. The day I met you.
I'll admit this memory's a little hazy. Back then you were just my classmate's annoying friend; I didn't know what I was in for.


2. Our first phone call.
It was awkward and you couldn't understand how I'd gotten your number; we talked about manga and Vampire Knight.


3. The first manga you lent me.
Vampire Knight Volume 1. I'll never forget the instant liking I took to the 'bad guy' and how much I teased Kaname-san.


4. The first school lunchtime we spent together.
I must be such an idiot for remembering this. Or I simply have an amazing memory. It was in the library - the first time I'd spent a whole lunch there again after months of sitting outside for those 40 minutes each day.


5. Our arguments over Fullmetal Alchemist.
Well didn't this turn out to be interesting... Who knew I'd fall in love with it and become a huge fan of Roy/Ed?


6. "Arigatou", by Kokia
I don't have much to say about this one. I recall you getting me to listen to it when we were walking home from school together; I cried. Remember?


7. That first picture you drew of me you gave me.
It was in a cutesy K-ON! style, I believe. I took the laminated sheet off my wall when we had to repaint the house, but it's in my personal art folder now.


8. The day you told me about your first crush.
That was cute. You were so... tsundere about it. Couldn't think of a more fitting word. You can deny it, that's just my opinion.


9. "Best Friend", by Kiroro.
Do you remember when we chose theme songs for everyone? And you picked Only Human by K and Bad Apple by Touhou Project for me and I chose Communication Breakdance by Super Butter Dog (I couldn't then and still can't get over that name...) and Onegai Sweetheart by Fukuhara Kaori for you after I elected Best Friend by Kiroro as our theme song? You 'aww'ed when you searched the lyrics.


10. The first time you told me about Hetalia.
I hated it - then grew to love it. Déja vu FMA, anyone?


11. Our first comic-con together.
"Look guys, Amy found a leek!" Still my favorite moment, I think.


12. Our first midnight phone call.
Oh my, how those escalated, hmm.


13. The day I told you (confirmed, more like) Edgeworth's identity.
I was petrified. I nearly cried I was so worried about what your reaction would be. I was shocked at how normal you were about it. 


14. The first time you comforted me over Edgeworth.
I was crying my eyes out... What's new?


15. The time I confessed.
I was as red as a tomato...


16. The first time you kissed my cheek.
Forget tomato, think more along the lines of Grell. Chainsaw included.


Heh, this was all so long ago wasn't it? There's far more I could have, and wanted to, include but making stars gets boring and repetitive after a while. A short while, at that. I'm surprised I stuck through to sixteen.


We had our moments, good and bad. I made stars for the good, but what about the bad?


The times I was rude and cold and pushed you away, the times I forced you to listen to my whinging for endless hours, the times I played 'hard to get' just because I could, the times we had petty arguments that ended with us not talking properly to each other? The times you made me worry, the times I insulted the things you cared about and held dear to you?


The times you snapped at me and I overreacted more than I should have, the times I disagreed with the things you said - even though you were right, the times I got angry with you when I had no right to?


There are so many more, both happy and sad, but what good would it do to name them all?


I was happy a lot during the course of our friendship, I like to think - but it was never perfect. No matter how much I wanted to believe it was, I would be an utter fool to call it that. No matter how happy I was, it seems to me now that there was always something slightly off though that feels more like me looking back in hindsight than an actual memory.


If there's anything I can say I've learnt, it's that nothing is ever perfect. I guess that's a stupid thing to have discovered through two and a half years of... something, but it's important to me.


Here's an odd thing, though. I thought I was devastated. When I got home on the 21st of March I was crying and shaking and in disbelief. But... In the days that followed, I was happier. I got more work done. I became more motivated both at home and in school. I felt... Free? Is that the right word? I don't know what to call it, but it was... Better.


We no longer argued, you weren't constantly annoyed by my presence and I wasn't irritated by your little mannerisms that usually wound me up. We weren't really talking any longer - yet it hurt a whole lot less than I expected it to.


You appeared happier, too, from the times I saw you around. I don't know if that's true or not, but if it is then I'm only happy for you. My words from all that time ago still stand true - if you ever need me, I'm here. But I doubt you do and that you ever again will; I'm alright with that.


Once upon a time I would have signed off here with a long-winded apology and an emotional 'thank you for everything' but... I've learnt 'sorry's don't mean anything at all and 'thank you's are just words; words without actions are meaningless.


There, that's another thing you've taught me, you know.


Ah well. It was a good run and I believe it was worth it. I hope you do, too.


xo
A


PS~ Photo snapshots are my own and edited roughly. Sorry about that.

Happy St. Patrick's Day~

Woah, the last time I blogged was January... How time flies. *disbelieving blink* There goes my resolution to blog more ahahaha~


School's been super-stressful lately and I lost motivation in writing for a while - but thanks to (oddly enough) my Math teacher and some close friends, I'm back!

Did ya miss me? OwO /shot

I won't whinge about school and exams and stress; nothing new there! Today's blog entry shall be about a certain friend of mine... Let's call him Jack. Jack Cheese~ (No, that's not his real name.)

My very accurate portrait of him

I was talking to him earlier and he suggested I dedicate a blog entry to him, so...

Sometime in August last year I made a new friend (from America) through a website called deviantART~ We got talking and she told me about one of her long-time friends that she'd like to introduce me to... Hence Jack and I got to know one other~

The very first conversation we ever had was a three-way chat with the friend I mentioned earlier. I can't quite recall what we talked about, but I do remember laughing a lot and thinking how lovely these people were.

The day after, I saw him online in my contacts list but was way too nervous to say anything - he was practically a stranger and he probably didn't want to talk to me, was what I figured. To my surprise, though, he greeted me shortly after I logged online; we ended up chatting about guns and gaming for a few hours~

We gradually got to know each other better and he's now one of my closest friends~

You're awesome~ TwT

However. He's totally and utterly crackers. Truly. *insert laughing fit here* My proof? Here is a small selection of quotes, straight from him:

"So if you were a tomato... How would you feel about growing upside-down?"

I don't know. Ask a tomato?

"You know, I'd really like to open a restaurant for ants. Then they could, y'know, eat the food and bring it to their queen."

"I wish I could stick this iPod to my face..."

Am I fashionable yet?! ♥

"Alice, I just thought of something... What if I named my child Diary? Then when people write Dear Diary, they'd write to him or her!"

"...I wouldn't want to slap people with my wiener. *silence* It's a pun! It's funny because it's true!"

"I just found out dragons don't fly with their heads... /sadface"

MY CHILDHOOD WAS A LIE?!

"I want to see how dangerous this thing is if I walk into it--- Ooh, it's dangerous! It kills me!"

...Bear in mind that he said all of this during the course of one phone call. Isn't he a darling? *tears of laughter streaming down face*

I love the crazy idiot though... Keep being awesome, dude. I'm really glad we became friends~ /end soppy moment/


Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone! 

Enjoy my sloppy doodles ahaha!

-A.

xo~

Happy New Year!

So... I noticed just now that I only ever feel the motivation to blog about something (anything) when I have more important things to do that I really don't want to do.

What I should be doing

What I am actually doing

Anyway.


First off, Happy New Year! I personally don't believe in this whole 2012-end-of-the-world thingie, but hey, it's a free country. If that's your thing, feel free to believe it.

Basically, I feel really lazy and don't want to revise for my Latin, therefore I'm going to blog about something. I was also guilt-tripped into blogging. Don't ask. (I love you mom! ♥)

My topic for blogging is...

2011! *original*

So... Things I achieved in 2011 should come first, I guess. (Not in order. Probably not accompanied by doodles.)

1. I dyed my hair! ...Not all of it. But I have black ends and pink highlights, as you can tell from my doodles!

2. School, exams, blah blah. As and A*s all-round, etc. Good year for me, education-wise.

3. I... *stumped* Uhh. Hmm.

4. Wrote a letter to America! Yup.

5. Confessed to someone I like. (After being nagged for weeks. *sheepish face*)

6. Went to Brighton. That was a good trip. ♥

7. Running out of things...!

8. Went ice skating twice. Gosh, that was fun.

9. Went to see Versailles Philharmonic Quintet live in London asdfghjkl; (Why was this not at the top of my list, why?! Will never forget this. Best night ever. Would post a photo, but camera weren't allowed. If you don't know what I'm on about, Go Google It. *Vocaloid reference* Google that, too.)

10. Watched Katekyo Hitman Reborn and loved it. It changed the way I saw numbers forever. Math class = suddenly fun. (Google it. Seriously. You'll love it.) eg = the year 1869 suddenly has a whole new meaning. An impossible one. /shot

Also - 11. Pineapples became a source of great amusement.

12. I made a blog. (Duh.)

13. I acquired an iPod Touch... (And now can't live without it pfft) /running out of more important things ahaha~

14. I made a Twitter account... Uh, what else...?

15. Urgh, I'll think of something and add it later. You can edit these post things, right? ♥

16. Oh, I started watching Jigoku Shoujo (or Hell Girl. Google it. You will not regret it.)

Yeah, so that was 2011.

Now... 2012.

Hmm. I don't know what to say about it. The Olympics are this year, so that's always something to look forward to. What else...? *thinks*

I have so many mock exams in January, and I'm nervous as hell. Wish me luck...

New Year = New Year's Resolutions, right?

I'd like to blog more. This I should really do. So yeah, that can be a resolution. Oh, and school and exams and family and stuff. Yeah, that too. *so detailed orz*

Okay this post looks dull so I shall add a doodle... Now!

Yeah, I'd better go work. This procrastination isn't good on my conscience.

...

*can't resist staying on to post a few more lines*

Alright, well I'd like to wish everyone a happy new year and lots of luck with everything! Aren't I nice? ♥

What else can I add without sounding crazy? *thinking*...

Yeah, that's about it.

I'll edit this post later. It doesn't look right to me at the moment. *fussy*

-A.

xxx

PS~ Doodles are mine. ♥